Hate That I Love You
by CrimeSceneDna
Summary: That slight pout she does when she’s pissed off, holy cow the moment I see that I know we’re about to have a session of hot steamy office sex.' C/S Based on the song, Hate that I love you by Rihanna and Neyo.


**I own no one, I wish I did though.**

**The story switches between Cath's and Sara's POV, hopefully it isn't too confusing. **

* * *

_It's been this way for as long as I can remember. All she has to do is open that pretty mouth of hers and I shoot her down in a second, in fact she doesn't even have to do that. Just the sight of her does it for me these days. I don't remember us ever having a civil conversation, well we keep it clean at crime scenes but that's just an act, it's not really us. When we're alone we kill each other over and over again, well if looks could kill we would do. Hell she would have been dead and buried the moment I met her. I smile to myself as an image of her face from that first day enters my mind._

'Do you know where I can find Catherine Willows?'

(without looking up) 'She's out in the field.'

'Let me guess ... Sara Sidle?'

' I know who I am. I think you're a little confused.'

'If you think you're taking my case ... forget it.'

'Look, we can stand here and argue ... or ... we can get out thereand find out who did this to Holly Gribbs. Two sharp women are better than one.'

Well we definitely are two sharp women and the marks across her back tell the story perfectly. I've never really understood this…this relationship. No that is definitely the WRONG word! We don't have any type of relationship, not even close. We hate each other with a passion and I'm not sure either of us fully understand.

It's weird how I hate her so intensely yet if I don't see her sorry ass for more than 24 hours, I'm pacing the room and pulling my damn hair out. As much as I hate to say it, I can't live without this…this whatever you want to call it but most importantly I can't live without her.

_That's how much I love you _

_That's how much I need you_

_And I can't stand you_

_Must everything you do make me wanna smile?_

_Can I not like you for a while?_

'Cath?'

I look up slowly and glare over my glasses at her, I see her wince and smile to myself.

'Yeah?'

'I was wondering, well if, you could…?'

Damn I love making her squirm.

'Wondering if I could what? Come on Sara I don't have all fucking day!'

'I was wondering if you could finish the paperwork off so that I could, well you know leave a little early. There's something I need to do.'

I laugh loudly and can't help but smile at the nervous tone of her voice and the anxiety in her eyes. Damn she's kinda cute like this.

'No…'

'Bitch.'

'What the fuck did you say?' I stand up pushing myself away from the desk, sending the chair flying in the process. She jumps back but glares at me, not willing to stand down.

'Bitch.'

'You better watch your mouth Sidle!'

'Really? Who says so?'

'I fucking well say so, that's who.'

'Bitch!'

'I'm warning you.'

'Oooh I get a 5 second warning, lucky me!'

'Don't push me Sar!'

'How many times have I told you not to call me that?!'

'Countless times, why the hell do you think I keep doing it?'

'Bitch.'

I get up in her face and slam her against the office door causing her legs to buckle beneath her, she slides down the glass slightly and I feel a slight pleasure in knowing I'm the only thing holding her up.

'I warned you, wasn't that nice of me? As normal you ignored me so I guess I'll have to shut that mouth of yours for you.'

'Fuck you.'

I crash my lips into hers, hoping to bruise them in the process and there's that reaction, the same one I always get and I smile into the kiss. Her tongue traces my bottom lip begging for entrance but I don't give it to her, she knows the drill. She has to try harder than that.

She grabs my ass hard, and I mean hard, it actually fucking hurt. My mouth opens in response and in two seconds flat her tongue is in my mouth and I give her a quick shove in the ribs to let her know she isn't going to get away with it.

'Damn you.' I gasp as I pull away.

'Don't play games that you can't win.'

'At least I'm not a loser in other senses.' I spit at her.

She shoves me so hard that I tumble back onto the desk. I know my body will be both broken and bruised tomorrow but I don't care, I don't care until I see her tears. I get up slowly…

'Sar.'

_No_

_But you won't let me_

_You upset me girl and then you kiss my lips_

_All of a sudden I forget that I was upset_

_Can't remember what you did_

Her lips melt into mine and I forget where the tears came from, I smile into the kiss knowing that she is everything to me and as much as I hate her and I hate this, I just can't give her up. Catherine willows is my one dirty pleasure. She's my dirty little secret, hell I'd be dead if anyone ever found out.

Strong hands grab onto my legs and the bitch digs her nails in, I moan but not in pain, in pure pleasure. I shove her back down and watch as her body collides with the desk, her head falls onto the keyboard and a pile of files. Her hand moves quickly to throw both the keyboard and the files off the desk, they crash to the floor and I smirk before straddling her. I flip the picture of the teenage girl over.

'Sorry Linds I don't think this is teenage viewing.'

Catherine laughs and pulls me down by my shirt, knocking the pencil pot across the room and earning a sigh from my lips, she claims them again with both passion, fire and a little bit of anger. I begin to wonder who's gonna be the first to scream.

The door is locked, the blinds are completely down but the walls are thin and Catherine, well Catherine is far from quiet. The chances of having someone hear only excites us more as she rips at my shirt. The buttons pop off and jump across the room.

'This is my favorite fucking shirt!' I slap her, not hard but hard enough to be effective.

'What a fucking shame.'

I'm about to answer when I feel her knee slam up between my leg. I scream out her name in pure anger and try to hide the moan that escapes my lips shortly after. Her hands move under my bra and she squeezes my left nipple between her thumb and a finger, she doesn't do it gently. Nothing we do is ever gentle.

_But I hate it_

_You know exactly what to do so that I can't stay mad at you for too long_

_That's wrong but I hate it_

I'm able to flip our positions, what can I say?! I have a thing about being under Catherine Willows. Shit what a view! I pull her top over her head and make fast work of that bra, as sexy as she looks in it, I've always preferred her without clothes.

Her lips crush mine as she plants a fiery kiss on my lips. I have to say she has the best fucking lips I've ever had the pleasure of tasting, they are so plump, round and soft but she knows how to use them perfectly, so she can get whatever she wants. That slight pout she does when she's pissed off, holy cow the moment I see that I know we're about to have a session of hot steamy office sex. Her lips taste of the cream from her coffee with a slight hint of chocolate, mmmm I don't think they've ever tasted this good before.

I'm getting impatient.

'Fuck me.'

'Did you say something?' She mutters into my neck before sucking hard, I'm definitely going to have one hell of a hickey tomorrow.

'I said fuck me.'

'You want me to fuck you?'

'Ah ha.'

'But you hate me.'

'Doesn't mean you aren't a good fuck.'

She laughs and I smile up at her.

'I'm a fantastic fuck sweetie, you better not forget that.'

'I'm having trouble remembering…'

'Now I know you are lying to me.'

'Come on, just because you're a slut doesn't mean everyone thinks you're fantastic in bed.'

'So you wouldn't rate me as fantastic? Bed was a bad choice of words Sara, I do believe we've never actually done it in a bed.'

'I'd say you were average.'

'Average!' She screams at the top of her lungs. I see the shadow at the door and I know someone is listening, hell that makes me wet.

I don't have much time to respond, her hand is shoved down my pants and her fingers are already hard at work in my boxers, she jambs two fingers into me and I can't help but scream.

'Holy Fucking Shit Cath!!'

_You know exactly how to touch_

_So that I don't wanna fuss and fight no more_

_Said I despise that I adore you_

W may hate each other but damn I love it when she screams, especially when she screams my name. I don't doubt that this little secret isn't as secret as she thinks it is. Me I don't give a damn who hears us and although Sara pretends it turns her on, I'm pretty sure she's scared shitless someone will find out. That's half the reason I make sure I'm so loud, that sounds harsh doesn't it but like I'm sure you've noticed we can't stand each other but at the same time…..well, of course I'd never tell her but I'm pretty sure I love her.

I push my fingers into her much harder and deeper and I'm rewarded with her moans and groans. I could get used to this.

'God Cath don't stop.'

'Please don't stop.'

'You like that huh?'

'God yes.'

I smile, I'm surprised she hasn't learnt by now, she does this every time. It's so damn cute, I'm not sure if it's because she's so lost in the moment or if she truly is incapable of lying to me. I quickly pull my fingers out and she protests by grabbing my breasts.

'God damn it Sara.'

Her fingers are circling my nipples and I can't resist, I need to give her what she wants. I lower my body to close the gap between us and jerk her head to my breasts. She has a fantastic tongue and she sure knows how to use it.

Her tongue flicks over my left nipple as her fingers make good work of the right. She takes my whole breast into her mouth and I know I'm in heaven. It's moments like this that make me wonder, if only we could get on, maybe we'd have a fantastic life but hell I just can't stand her.

At the beginning we were only doing this, once a month just as a stress release. Well that's what I told myself anyway. Gradually it became more frequent and recently, hell we've been doing this every day and I hate that we can't make this work, I hate that one second she's pleasuring me and taking me to heights I've never reached before and the next my hands are around her neck and I'm wanting to kill her.

The traveling of her hand across my stomach gets me every time, her nails are long enough to pierce my skin and I love the marks she leaves behind but maybe not as much as I love the marks I left across her back.

'Do you have to be so damn rough?'

She ignores me and she knows it's only going to piss me off. I yank her head up from my chest so she's looking in my eyes. She smirks and I see that sparkle in her eyes and I know I'm in love……

_And I hate how much I love you _

_I can't stand how much I need you _

_And I hate how much I love you _

_But I just can't let you go_

_And I hate that I love you so_

The pure fear just turns me on more, I'm not sure 'pure' is the right word. I know she'd never seriously hurt me but sometimes when I see the fire in her eyes I wonder what would happen if I pushed her too far.

I look into her eyes and without thinking pinch her nipples between my fingers then I move in for the kill, I attach myself to her neck and refuse to budge despite her efforts to remove me. I know she doesn't really want me to stop, she just wants my attention on other parts of her body.

The fight for dominance and control has always been an issue with us, I'm not sure if it would be so enjoyable if we just let the other finish what they had started .

'Fuck! God damn it. You could have warned me.'

I can't help but laugh, I love the way she surprises me.

_And you completely know the power that you have_

_The only one that makes me laugh_

She smirks as she continues to curl her fingers inside of me, her thumb rubbing on my clit at such a fast pace that I feel like I'm going to pass out.

'Keep going.'

'Faster?'

'Faster!'

'Harder?'

'Harder!'

For once I feel like she's finally going to give me everything I need, the perfect end to a shitty day and I get to leave knowing we've made a little progress and maybe just maybe we can develop fucking into making love.

'What the hell?'

'I was getting bored.'

She climbs off me and leans against the wall, pulling a cigarette out of a draw and lighting up, I glare at her totally pissed off. How the fuck could she do that to me, I was so damn close.

'I hate you Cath, I really do.'

'That's a shame cause I'm pretty sure you love me.'

'In your dreams honey.'

'You better retract that or I swear this is over, you think I need this? You think I need you?'

'I'm sorry.'

_Sad and it's not fair_

_How you take advantage of the fact that I..._

_Love you beyond a reason why_

_And it just ain't right_

Every time she says sorry I feel my heart breaking, I think I'm going soft in my old age because the other half of me tells me to get a life. How the hell does she make a strong woman like me, feel so damn weak. God I hate her. 

_And I hate how much I love you girl_

_I can't stand how much I need you _

_And I hate how much I love you girl_

'I don't want to do this anymore. I want to settle down with someone I actually care about.'

'What?' Shock is evident in her voice but I know she's going to recover.

'I don't give a damn about you, I never have.'

'Good cause I've never given two shits about you either, in fact you repulse me.'

'Likewise.'

'Then why are you wasting my time?'

'Me wasting your time? Excuse me who's fucking office is this?! Get the hell out.'

'Fine, I'm done with you.'

She grabs her shirt, fastens the remaining buttons and turns to leave. She doesn't look back and I know she'll walk out and that will be the end of this. I'm relieved. Yes relieved because I hate this but if I'm so relieved then why is my heart aching and why the hell is something inside me screaming at me to stop her?!

'Sara, wait.'

_But I just can't let you go_

_And I hate that I love you so_

I freeze on the spot. Did she just ask me to wait? Is she trying to tell me she didn't mean it? That there could be something, something other than this for us. No I won't stop, she'll just turn me away again and my heart will break all over again.

Damn it I can't keep walking, my legs feel like jelly. 

_One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me_

I feel her lips on mine but not rough like it normally is, it's gentle and loving and reminds me of how soft her lips really are.

_And your kiss won't make me weak_

It's moment like this that make me realize that I Sara Sidle not only despise Catherine Willows but I love her too. Or maybe it's just this little arrangement that I love too much to let go.

_But no one in this world_

_Knows me the way you know me_

One day I'll walk away from this…

_So you'll probably always have a spell on me..._

Sara pulls away from me and wraps her arms around my waist.

_It's how much I love you_

She kisses the end of my nose and my body shivers as her lips depart.

_It's how much I need you_

My hand strokes the side of her face and I run my fingers over the marks I've left upon her neck in a previous meeting.

_It's how much I love you _

I have to say I'm impressed with my impact and the look in her eyes tells me she's pretty impressed too.

_It's how much I need you_

Hmmm maybe I could live without this.

_And I hate that I love you_

These moments are the best but Catherine always ruins them, she can't be nice for more than 5 seconds but I guess I'm as much to blame, she brings out the bad side in me. I do the same for her, just the sight of each other sets us off._And I hate how much I love you_

I go in to claim her lips again but she pulls away. I can't seem to get the hint and move in again…

_I can't stand how much I need you_

She slaps me without warning and I elbow her in the stomach.

_And I hate how much I love you _

She shoves me, I shove her back but still there's something in her eyes and I'm sure they mirror mine.

_But I just can't let you go_

She yanks open the office door, pushes me out and slams the door in my face.

I slide down the outside of the door, drop my head in my hands and allow the tears to fall.

_And I hate that I love you soo_

I slide down the inside of the door, drop my head in my hands and allow the tears to fall.

_And I hate that I love you soo sooo_


End file.
